It was a mystery me to me, but it is simple, as in simple on the far side of complexity!
I’m talking here about forgiving.
The steps are easy enough to list: Decide, Plan, Do, and then Experience Forgiveness.
Deciding is not as easy as it seems. You will probably need to come back to this again and again. And your spouse has to be number one in your life. It is not possible to forgive your spouse if you do not put them number one. It’s going to take so much more when keeping them in any lower level of priority.
Planning is complicated by the fact that you need to keep up whatever you do for the rest of your life. But you need to plan so that each gift will touch her heart.
Doing is easy at first, but it may get to be nearly, if not actually, impossible. And you will feel the cost of the accumulation of giving long before you feel the forgiveness, the wiping away of her offenses, leaving you seeing how wonderful a person she is.
And then you suddenly one day will look at her and only see how great she is. In spite of all the abuse she is continually doing to you.
And this is as wonderful as the day you fell in love with each other, but this is not a gift of hormones and nature; this is the result of REALLY tough work on your part. So enjoy the feeling. And to keep it up you will need to keep up the giving and forgiving.
Forgiveness is no longer a mystery; it’s just plain hard work!